Jim Helsinger discusses Angel Action Wings

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In Abraham Lincoln‘s Inauguration speech, he said   “We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.”This quote inspired Jim Helsinger to create Angel Action Wings after the Pulse tragedy. As he said, “Moises Kaufman wrote ‘The Laramie Project’, about the reaction to the 1998 murder of University of Wyoming gay student Matthew Shepard in Laramie, Wyoming, what could I do?” When members of a Baptist hate group said they would protest at funerals of the victims of the Pulse shooting, here in Orlando, Jim had to act.

The Orlando Shakespeare Theater and
the Angel Action Wings Project teamed up to create
massive PVC frame, and white linen angel wings in the hopes of blocking the 40-member
“church” group and their hate-filled signs, the dumbest being “God Hates Fags.” Thanks to donations, the
Orlando Shakespeare Theater built each of the angel ensembles in
their costume shop.  There was much confusion on social media about weather the hate group would actually show up, but Jim went with a gut feeling and had the wings built anyway. At a funeral, singing and the angel wings blocked the protesters who did get a permit to protest.

After that initial success some one suggested that 49 Angel wings should be built. Although he as in Colorado, he spearheaded the effort from there. Volunteers from Disney filled the Shakespeare scenic shop completing the wings with incredible speed. After a Pulse theater community event at the Dr. Phillips Center for the Performing Arts the 49 Angels marched outside the theater surrounding the large memorial that was in the plaza. A light drizzle accompanied their somber candle light march, but when they stood in silent vigil the rain stopped and a light breeze aired their wings. People exiting the theater where overwhelmed be the sight.

Theater has a way of framing grief. When in a dark theater surrounded by an audience, we realize that we are not alone. If others survive then I can as well. We do not live in a vacuum. 20 years ago Orlando was a conglomerate of corporations. In the last fire years, little theaters and restaurants have found a home here. Orlando’s reaction and response to the Pulse tragedy is something to be proud of. We as a community will embrace gays, Latinos, and immigrants.

Jim grew up in Ohio and has shot guns. He believes in the second amendment, but if an individual is on a watch list, or has been denied a flight license, then why can he buy an assault rifle? In Newtown a young boy could walk into an alimentary school and shoot children. Nothing has changed. People need to accept their differences. There needs to be religious and racial tolerance. We need to change the culture of violence to a culture of love.

The 49 wings were just transferred to the Center which will decide how and when the wings will be used in the future. This will allow Jim to refocus his energies on running the Shakespeare Theater. They were just worn in the recent gay pride parade, where thousands
cheered as the angels glided down Orlando’s downtown streets. The angel wings need to keep flying.

MTV Pulse Documentary at Falcon Bar.

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MTV aired a documentary about Pulse survivors. Since I don’t have a TV, I put out a call on Facebook, to see if anyone wanted a guest to watch the show. Melissa Marie let me know that they would air the show at Falcon Bar in Thornton Park. I arrived early and got a high top table with a view of the bar and The TVs.

The documentary was hard to watch in the beginning since it is all so close to home. Survivors got to meet people who helped them that night live on camera. Others visited memorials to honor friends they had lost. Two young women from Philadelphia had been visiting Orlando on the night of June 12th. They were both shot on their only experience of Orlando nightlife. Each woman was recovering in their own way. One seemed able to block the memories to feel secure day to day while the other relives the experience daily and is seeking on going counseling. Both are far from a full recovery.

Although the subject was raw and visceral, the show tended to feel a bit like a reality TV show in which incidents are manufactured for the sake of the drama. I’m glad I go to see the documentary however, which offered insights in to the emotional impact of surviving such a horrific public mass shooting. Only yesterday a gunman opened fire in a Fort Lauderdale airport. The gun was in his checked in baggage, which is legal as it turns out. I’ve always been afraid to even pack a shaving razor in my luggage since 9-11. This insane gun violence is out of control and any attempts at gun reform are always shot down.

#Hangaheart Kids Give Back.

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Neema Bahrami who was the event organizer at Pulse, survived the horrific night of June 12th. The next day, he found a colorful felt heart taped to his apartment door. It said, “Love is free, hugs are free, we all love you.” The heart was created by there children in his building, Gavin, Victoria, and Jacquelyn. Because of this sign of hope Neema decided to create the Hang a Heart Foundation, which promotes love regardless of religion, race or gender. He feels that, if any good came from that horrible night, it is that people are learning to accept the gay community. It has opened peoples hearts.

Hang-A- Heart, Inc. is in the last stages of becoming a 501c3 charity, and will be working to provide an outlet for children and adults alike to talk about love and acceptance, while creating the same felt hearts that started the movement. The Venue (511 Virginia Dr, Orlando, FL 32803) hosted an evening fundraiser with a night of children sharing their talents on stage. Every seat in the theater had a free felt heart on it. Everyone was asked to hang it where they will be reminded, and others encouraged by hope and kindness when they see it. The tag on mine said, “Be Awesome!”

The evening featured 18 fun and inspired performances. My favorite performance was a lovely duet by Maddie Mayer and Maddy Montz. They sang “For Good” from Wicked. Some people enter your life and inspire you for the better. Yet, people grow apart, and some friendships go unmended. The song hit me hard. The start of a New Year brings regrets. Neema was with a friend at the table next to mine. His friend was in tears and then laughed fanning himself. He was delighted with the emotions that flooded the Venue. I wasn’t alone in shedding a tear.

Another notable performance was “Hard to be a Bard” by Anthony Morehead. There was something so endearing about a young teen concerned about the difficulties of being a creative genius. Anthony’s comic timing was spot on.  On a darker note, Lauren Luteran danced a choreographed piece titled “Void“.  The room turned dark blue and the spotlight illuminated her a flaming orange. Her movements were staccato and hard edged. She exhaled violently striking poses that reached for the unattainable. The striking performance best expressed the incredibly hard and emotional days following the Pulse shooting. Sydney Burtis countered with a rhythmic and fun tap dance routine set to, “Just Forget the World.” Her feet kept the beat and then tapped with counter beats so fast it became a blur of motion. She beamed as she pushed herself to give her best.

Talents varied, but is so refreshing seeing young performers take to the stage and give their all. “Where there’s children there’s light. Where there’s light, there’s hope.” 

Angels at Pulse.

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December 12th marked six months since the horrific shooting that took 49 lives and ruined counties others at Pulse Nightclub.  Pulse owner Barbara Poma opened the chain link fence surrounding the club to the first time, at 2am for family of victims and then later that evening for the general public to mourn. The angels gathered, holding candles at Pulse along the Orange Avenue length of fence. Purple neon glowed above the entrance to Pulse. Media and passers by shot photos.

One reporter from Channel 13 News, John Davis,  was curious about my digital sketch and he interviewed me the next day as I hung 18 sketches at City Arts Factory that document Orlando’s attempts to heal since the mass shooting. The city will never be the same.

At the entrance there was prayer and then song. One song was Wind Beneath My Wings, which seemed perfect for the angels in attendance.

Cory James Connell, one man can change the world.

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At the six month anniversary of the Pulse nightclub shooting, Tara and James Connell invited me to sketch a ceremony honoring their son at Greenwood Cemetery. Tara’s directions were a bit confusing but James gave me a ballpark approximation of where to find their son’s resting place. The ceremony was to start at 5:30pm but I got there early around 4:30pm. I drove through the cemetery in search of one headstone among thousands. I knew that the site was near the 408 and in a corner of the cemetery under a tree. I circled around the winding lanes multiple times hoping to spot James Connell’s name. A black headstone read Papadakis and gorgeous white sculpture of an angel kept catching my eye as I circled.

Finally I parked and just started walking among the headstones. I was lost. Finding an individual stone would be like finding a needle in a haystack. I was searching for rainbows as a hint that I might be near. There were random sparks of color. New grass outlined some grave sites. Instinctively I walked towards a dark live oak tree that was right next to the road. Amazingly, I walked right up to Cory James Connell‘s head stone.

A football jersey read, Cory Strong. A signed football was at the site. There were Christmas candy canes decorating the site along with red solar powered Christmas lights. Two lanterns with penguins on them flanked the headstone. I was the only person around. I sat down and started to sketch. Behind the head stones, the sky lit up with a stunning vibrant sunset. I was blinded at times staring right into the blazing sun. To the right of Cory’s head stone were the head stones of a couple who had died together at Pulse. Anthony Luis Laurean Dilsa was buried right behind his partner, Leroy Valentin Fernandez. To the left of Cory’s stone was the headstone of Alejandro Barrios Martinez, another victim of the senseless violence. There were engraved photos on each stone. Gorgeous live flowers decorated each site in the granite vases. A burly man with golden shades walked up to Leroy’s stone and placed a bouquet of flowers at the site. He stood in silent thought for the longest time and then left.

After sunset, the family started to arrive. A little girl laughed as she raced her brother. She grew silent when she arrived. Well over 40 people gathered around the stone and lit candles. 49 balloons of every color of the rainbow were brought over. A couple held each other for strength. Headlights glared as cars raced down the 408 access road just beyond the fence. Orlando city skyscrapers were visible in the distance. Everyone was instructed to find a video online that was a tribute to Cory. After a countdown, everyone pressed play and watched. Heaven was needing a Hero, cut the silence. I struggled for some emotional distance and strength.

The balloons strings were untangled from each other and handed out to each person. Markers squeaked messages of love and remembrance. Everyone moved out from under the live oak canopy, away from the grave site for a group photo. With one more countdown, everyone released the balloons which slowly floated up to the stars. Cell phone videos caught the ascent. With the sketch complete, I drifted away among the headstones into the dark to head down to Pulse where prayers and song  continued to honor all who were lost six months ago. I felt sad for love lost but needed to keep moving. It is all that I can do to try and understand.

“Love is stronger than death, even though it can’t stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can’t separate people from love. It can’t take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.” – unknown

2:02am at Pulse.

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December 12, 2016 at 2:02am, Barbara Poma, the owner of the Pulse nightclub opened the gate to the fence that surrounds the club. It was exactly six months since the horrific mass shooting that killed 49 Orlando citizens. Friends and family of victims were invited inside for a private memorial candlelight service. A Pulse employee handed out rainbow ribbons to everyone in line. There was a small Christmas Tree outside the had ornaments for each of the 49 victims. As family and friends entered the gate, they had to empty their pockets and then go through a metal detector search. I sat on a stone bench right next to the entry door. In this exact spot I once comforted a friend who had too much to drink about nine years ago.

Cut out stars and candles were arranged on the pavement inside the perimeter in a pulse shaped pattern. Couples hugged each other and everyone stood facing the building. A woman I didn’t know hugged me and said she couldn’t wait to see the sketch. She returned to her girlfriend in the crowd. A purple neon circle illuminated the spot above the entry. We were told not to go near the door since it was alarmed. I returned outside to join the line of TV news cameras. Cory James Connell‘s parents Tara and James Connell gave me a hug and a handshake. Tara said she was doing fine until they got to the club. She looked across the street with trepidation and then they walked across and entered the gate. As I sketched I could hear crying from behind the art decorated fence. Someone was wailing, bereft. My heart broke.

Afterward Tara told me that the six month memorial had been done right. Some memorial items were left inside and a bright rainbow sign was left for Cory. It was all so sad. I gave Tara a hug. She invited me to Woodlawn Cemetery that evening where her son was buried. Three other victims of the Pulse shooting were buried right beside him. A couple was buried to his right and the third to his left. At dusk they were having a service and would release Japanese floating lanterns in his honor. Tara gave directions to the grave site but there were so many twists and turns in the directions that I knew I was going to be lost. She confessed that she gets turned around when she goes. They went to their SUV, but James returned and gave me abbreviated directions. They both waved as they drove away. I wasn’t alone. I love that family.

“When a wave of love
takes over a human being… such an exaltation takes him that he knows
he has put his finger on the pulse of the great secret and the great
answer.”

~Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings

Love appears across from Pulse.

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Artist Michael Owen used to live in Orlando, going to Dr Phillips high school. He moved to Baltimore to attend art school and has lived there ever since, his family is still in Orlando and he visits often. In Baltimore he executed a series of 20 murals, all with the theme of love. After the tragic shootings at Pulse he wanted to return to Orlando to share this theme. Finding a location was difficult, but Einstein Bagels right across the street from Pulse decided this was a great idea that might help in Orlando’s healing process.

Michael used large rollers to paint. He also executes more refined detail using house paint brushes. “They are like the filberts I use when painting on a smaller scale.” he said. The lift helps him paint the details high on the wall. LOVE is spelled out in silhouette using human hands. I first met Michael at After Orlando, a one night theater collaboration that featured 20 plans that addressed feelings and emotions after the Pulse shooting. Originally, he intended to have 49 orange blossom floating in space. After Orlando inspired him to paint more of the stems and leaves for the blooms. The outpouring of community support is symbolized in this more solid base.

We talked d bit about a common friend, Cole Nesmith, it turns out that Cole is the first person to ever buy a piece of Michael’s art.  People would stop to talk to the artist and he was always happy to tell then his story. One woman walking past the mural had on a deep purple blouse. “you match.’ he said. “I what?” she replied. “You match the mural.” Sure enough her deep purple blouse matched the purple hands on the mural.  “Purple is the color of royalty.”  he informed her. Several I cars honked their approval and some people wanted to shoot photos with their phones. “People just react” he told me as we talked abort what it is like to create art in public. The positive responses he has had from everyone in Orlando has been unprecedented.

 From interviews with Pulse shooting survivors, I know that the Einstein Bagel’s parking lot had been used as a triage site where the injured and dead had been taken to get them any from the gun fire. Survivors used their shirts and socks to plug bullet holes in an attempt to stop the bleeding. Blood had stained the pavement. Now splashes of purple spattered paint dripped from the well to the pavement. Once the scene of horrible carnage, the parking lot is becoming a beacon of hope and love.

The drips are all part of Michael’ spontaneous process. He uses the paint as if is were watercolor being used by a giant. He would sweep the roller in an arch creating elegant sweeping lines to the purple foliage. He asked me how far Sam Flat was and I gave him directions. The Sun was getting close to the horizon, and he needed more supplies. He needs some spray paint to because he wants to add delicate gradations to the flowers. Each blossom is unique having it’s own shape and form.

People in Orlando are still trying to process the horrors of June 12. People grieve in their own ways. Creating art is an artist’s attempt to come to terms with that evening. In that way, Michael a I have much in common. I hope his mural does help in the healing for those who visit the pulse memorial across the street. Perhaps some will cross the street and leave memorial items at the base of the mural. Michael has invested his one money and  gofundme money to bring this message of love to Orlando.

I heard a skid and then the crunching of plastic hitting plastic. there had been a fender bender at the stop light.  The drivers got out and exchanged insurance information. Life still rushed past even as art blooms. You can’t rush a labor of love.

After Orlando

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Margaret Nolan has worked diligently to bring “After Orlando” to the stage. Usually it takes years for a theater production to come to life. In Orlando, nerves are still raw, so Margaret felt it was important to bring After Orlando to the stage only months after the Pulse shooting. “It was a labor of love. [I’ve] been steeped in it daily since the 1st week of July and it’s taken an emotional toll….but so worth it to present these important plays and project to honor the Pulse tragedy.” Margaret wrote me. The event was sold out.

After the Pulse tragedy NYC creators Zac Kline and Blair Baker invited fellow theater artists to create short plays and poetic pieces as a response to create something with heart, and spirit.  After Orlando is now a collective of over seventy playwrights from the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, Australia, and Uganda. Plays are being presented in venues and universities all over the work and will be published in an anthology by No Passport Press.

Margaret commissioned and curated Orlando based writers to join in the conversation. The evening consisted of 20 short plays with ten local playwrights showcasing their talents. My short film, “Finger on the Pulse” was screened right after intermission. As I entered the theater, Paul Casteneda said he was close tears watching the film at the last rehearsal. There were tech issues but they were resolved right before the opening. My favorite play was written by young playwright Rose Helsinger. Called “Albino Crocodile“. It was a monologue be young actress who witnessed a gay classmate being bullied in the school halls. The bullying centered around a mispronunciation of Albino. Albino Crocodiles have blood red eyes and beautiful white skin. When an albino goes to the watering hole all the other crocks go  “Hey what is this? We can be seen around the likes of you.” At a girls slumber party conversations turned to boy crushes. One girl confided that she had a crush on another girl. She was shunned like the albino. She however stood resolute finding a strength and joy in being herself.

A Poem by Aradhana  Tiwari called “I remember I am a Rainbow” got me choked up. The poem started showcasing a storm’s approach and violence. Despite the turbulence and darkness the rainbow emerged to explain the joyful meaning behind it’s every color. It was somewhere around the description of a yellow bird chirping happily and taking flight that I broke down. It was a dark theater. I didn’t have to wipe away the tears.

Other heart wrenching plays, had actors exchanging messages and phone calls in a desperate attempt to find out if loved ones were lost. Janine Klein had an incredibly powerful monologue as a mom getting ready for bed and seeking silence from social media. Her sleep is disturbed by phone calls and she discovers her son is among the missing. Janine grew desperate, hoping her son was alright. Her love was palpable even as she described the tattoo he loved and she hated. She faced the possibility that her son might be forever silent.

The final play, had all the actors on the stage. I imagine the final production would have 49 actors. Rebecca Fisher recited a series of joyful phrases beginning with “Today is a good day to…” Tell someone you love them, hug a stranger, to take dance lessons, to sky dive… All the statements came from the obituaries found for the 49 victims in the Orlando Sentinel. It ended the evening on a high note, reminding us all to live life to the fullest. Life is a gift that is all too short. Part of me wants to shut down, to steer dear of the pain. But compassion and hurt bubbles to the surface any time I see OrIando’s Creative community unite to answer bigotry and hate with an enlightened response. As Paul Castineda said, “I’m proud of all my fellow
artists.”

Angels in the Abbey

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I went to a red carpet event benefiting the Pulse of Orlando Fund at The Abbey, (100 S Eola Dr #100, Orlando, FL 32801). Outside angels were set to welcome guests, but) a sudden rain Storm sent the angles scrambling for corer.  The evening marks three months since the tragedy and will be focused on the positivity, love, and inspiration we have seen from around the World.

The event included a Silent Auction, sale of Original Art pieces from around the World, performances by the Orlando Gay Chorus, Evin, and featured performer Brandon Parsons – singer of the hit single “Forty-Nine Times.”

Pulse entertainment manager, Neema Bahrami, will MC the evening and Pulse owner Barbara Poma will also be in attendance.

This was a VIP red carpet event with limited tickets sold. 100% of the proceeds go to the Pulse of Orlando Fund, the only 501(c)(3) nonprofit currently distributing funds to victims.

Brandon’s song and the appearance on stage of Pulse employees and survivors had me fighting back tears. Healing is a slow process and my need to understand keeps the nerve endings exposed. 

Pride, Prejudice & Protest: GLBT History in Greater Orlando.

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October 1, 2016  through January 26, 2017 the Orlando Region History Center presents an exhibit called Pride, Prejudice and Protest: GLBT History in Central Florida. Admission is free on October 8th, the day of the Orlando Come Out with Pride Parade. In the second floor gallery. The history of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender (GLBT) community has been defined by periods of pride, prejudice, and protest. This exhibit from the nonprofit GLBT History Museum of Central Florida shares the progress and setbacks of the Central Florida GLBT community over the past five decades of change.

A rainbow flag circles the room’s walls. The stripes are divided into three sections. The bottom section covers the history of blatant prejudice in Orlando’s laws and actions. The central two stripes cover moments of protest in the GLBT communities attempts to be accepted with equal rights. The top two stripes cover moments of pride, the victories in the ongoing struggle.

Pamela Schwartz was on a ladder putting up rainbow lettering that said, Central Florida GLBT. The second line got tricky as s tried to figure out the correct spacing. Vinyl letters were on sheets of transfer paper. In theory when the paper w rubbed the letters would transfer to the wall. However the job wasn’t as ease as is sounds.

I read one panel which hadn’t been mounted on the wall yet. In 1989 Orlando County Sheriff, Walt Gallagher was fired after an investigation found that he was bisexual. Michael Wanzie decided to stage a Rally against Homophobia at the Constitutional Green in downtown Orlando. The Ku Klux Klan staged a counter protest. It took three years of lawsuits for Walt to eventually get his job back. You would be amazed at how many laws existed that limit who you can love.

There is a secton of the exhibit devoted to Pulse memorial items collected from around the city. Photos of each of the 49 victims are mounted behind candles. The museum staff will keep the candles burning for the duration of the exhibit. The flickering lights will illuminate the faces in a warm glow. Colorful scraps of paper each hold messages of love and remembrance. Many letters and notes left at the memorials were never opened or read until they were collected and preserved.

This is an excerpt from one such letter: “None of you know me, but I know you. I know you as one of the 49 people who were killed in the worst mass shooting in US history. Now all I can do is visit this memorial, pray, and write you this letter. A letter no one, but me will ever read, and I can only hope you feel. You were loved. And you didn’t deserve this. You deserved to live. To fall in love…   I am continuously reminded each day that the world doesn’t stop turning. That everyone is still expected to go about their lives. But I can’t. I feel so hopeless and helpless just thinking about how hopeless and helpless you must have felt… I feel like a fraud. Like I’m taking away someone who actually knew your grief. But I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you… I’m so sorry we live in a world that let this happen to you. Forgive us. The weather is beautiful. The sun is shining. The birds are chirping and you are here. You are with us all.

All my love, Bri”