The first Modern Widows Club Conference in Orlando.

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Carolyn Moor founded the Modern Widows Club six years ago in Orlando Florida. It has since expanded to have chapters in 15 other states. On June 12, 2016, Carolyn was in Seattle making plans for the first Modern Woman’s Club Conference. Because of the horrific Pulse nightclub shooting it was unanimously decided to have the first Conference in Orlando Florida. The hash tags were #WidowsStrong and #OrlandoStrong.

The theme of the conference was “Always wear your invisible crown.” There is the biblical connotation to that symbolism but also a playful sense of empowerment. Every woman who attended got a t-shirt with a crown that looked like it was made from upside down tear drops. At the first luncheon in this room, they were all given crowns. This was something of a social experiment in that women who wore the crowns were further along in the grief process and able to receive love. As the conference went on and everyone opened up more, all the ladies wore them. This tradition started at the second Modern Widows Club meeting at Carolyn’s home. She had a friend who worked in the Disney costuming show and she asked to borrow one of the big Cinderella crowns worn at the big Disney parades. It was heavy. One of the ladies at the meeting had basically not left her house for five years. She saw no future for herself. Carolyn told the group that she could prove to them that they still have joy in you. They couldn’t see it because of the devastating grief. She brought out the huge crown and everyone lit up with excitement. They each picked one and looked at themselves in the mirror. One of the ladies turned around and said, “You tricked us.” Carolyn said, “No, I just showed you what was already there.” All the crowns were symbols for the trials and tribulations of various sizes.

One of the hotel staff was seen leaning against the wall watching the widows crowning each other at the luncheon at the conference. Carolyn met her after everyone has left. The staffer said she was surprised that she had been assigned to work this conference. She had no idea what to expect and she welled up multiple times and had to go back to the kitchen to dry her eyes. She had lost her husband three years ago. She told Carolyn that she was overwhelmed by what she saw happening in the room. Carolyn said that the woman deserved a crown as well, but all the crowns had been handed out. Just then her assistant walked up and said, “I have one more crown let over. What should I do with it?”  Carolyn showed me the picture of the two of then hugging and beaming. That woman is going to the next Modern Widows Club meeting at Carolyn’s home.

Pecha Kucha presenters talk about movies.

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PechaKucha v15 celebrated Motion Pictures on February 6th 2015. The talks were by several members of Florida’s thriving film and video community as well as lovers of the medium. I had sketched a rehearsal which allowed me to promote the event. On the evening of the performances, I decided to focus my attention on the speakers as they were waiting for their turn behind the microphone. Having given a PechaKucha talk myself, I know how nerve wracking that wait can be. I’m just glad to have survived.

PechaKucha, means chit chat in Japanese, and it has become a global phenomenon.  Presenters can show 2O Power Point slides but they can only speak for 20 seconds for each slide. There is no stopping, no going back, the slides run automatically and you need to keep up. The result is concise fast paced and entertaining presentations that are never boring.

While doing this sketch, I bumped into Mackensey Moor and her mom Carolyn. Carolyn had been a presenter the evening I gave my talk at PechaKucha. She presented a heart felt moving story of love found and then tragically lost. She found strength in helping others. It was a hard talk to follow since every time I heard the story I would get choked up. It is so easy to get distracted when you first stand in front of a sea of faces. I spotted Mack and froze that evening, because I recognized her from Carolyn’s slides. It took me a moment to slip back into presentation mode. Anyway Mack is an artist herself so I’m always happy to talk about art with her. They had seats front and center and as I was finishing my sketch, Mackenzey told me she had to leave and she offered me her seat.

I squeezed down the isle, sat down and had a blast since Carolyn whooped and hollered with a childish joy during a very funny PechaKuche presentation. An arbitrary series of Power Point slides had been assembled and people were pulled from the audience to improvise a presentation based on the 20 Movie scenes. I’ve never laughed so hard. I don’t know if it was the presentation, or Carolyn’s magnificently outrageous reactions that made me laugh. Regardless it was fun to finally experience PechaKucha from the audience rather from the sidelines.

The Inaugural Artlando was held in Lock Haven Park.

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ALL DAY. ALL ART. I was offered a vendors tent at the inaugural Artlando event held September 27 in Lock Haven Park. My plan was to only sell $2 cards in a card rack and leave a tip jar so people could pay on the honor system. That left me free to roam the event and the day became a sketch marathon. All vendors had to arrive early in the morning to set up. You had to unload at a spot next to the Repertory Theater’s parking lot and then immediately drive off site to park. Each artist was assigned a specific area of Lock Haven’s lawn which was marked by a number. Soon there was a tent city. Clouds loomed ominous and gray all day.

A giant inflatable bird was in front of the Orlando Museum of Art. It was based on a painting by Lamar Peterson whose work was on exhibit inside. The brown statues, which were part of an installation titled “Horizons”,  by noted Icelandic artist Steinunn Thórarinsdóttir (pronounced Stay-nun Thorens daughter), were often used by people who imitated the poses for photo opportunities. That installation is on exhibit through 2015. 

Carolyn Moor, with her daughter Mackensey and a friend from out of town stopped to say hello. Carl Gauze jumped in on the conversation and he pointed out that the inflatable bird had a bullet hole in its chest.  I inspected the inflated art up close and sure enough there was a puncture wound.  I imagined a pickup truck squealing around the parking lot at night with a drunk local using his rifle to take shots at any art he could find. Then again the hole might just be there to control the flow of air. Caroline waited in front of the museum for Mackenzie to return from the main stage. On the main stage there were live performance by Orlando Ballet, Orlando Philharmonic Orchestra, Orlando Shakes, Central Florida Community Arts, Orlando Fringe, Phantasmagoria and many more.

As I was finishing this sketch, it began to rain. I ran inside the museum for cover.

Modern Widow’s Club

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Carolyn Caple Moor founded the Modern Widows Club that has met every third Thursday for the past 29 months at her Orlando home. Carolyn lost her husband Chad Moor on Valentines Day in 2000 in a hit and run auto accident as they drove home from diner. I saw one of Chad’s original sketches of a horse on display in the home when I first entered. He was a gifted artist. There are 11.4 million widows in this country and 3.5 million of those women are under 65. Carolyn finds strength and hope as she reaches out to help others. She shares inspiration and mentors every woman who enters her home. These meetings are a safe place where incredibly honest conversations blossom.

A fire was setup in the fire pit on the back patio as dusk settled in. There was plenty of food and drink inside and everyone mingled through the social hour. I poured a white wine and settled in to sketch outside. The fire started to fade, but Carolyn’s daughter, Mackensey Moor used some dry palm husks as kindling to reignite the blaze. I got to learn about her camping experiences in Colorado where she earned a patch as an expert fire starter. I used this time to pencil in the perspective. As women came out, I quickly placed them in the sketch. The wind kept blowing the fire’s smoke and ashes my way, so by the end of the night I smelled like a Phoenix rising from the ashes.

Mackensey was busy setting up a Skype session on her laptop with  Becky Aikman the NYC Author of  ‘Saturday Night Widows‘. Martha Curtis-Garry skyped in via Rome, Italy at 2am her time and actually talked to Becky from iPhone to laptop. It is so amazing how digital tools are changing the way we communicate. Carolyn panned the laptop around so Becky could see everyone in attendance. Becky complimented everyone’s shoes since that is what she saw on her end of the digital divide. Becky’s book was about her journey along with six friends after they were all widowed. She went to a widow’s group and some psychologist was wallowing in negativity while outlining the five stages of grief.  Becky doesn’t believe in set steps to grief, everyone is different. She suggested the group might want to focus on some more positive viewpoints and after the meeting, the head of the group told her she wasn’t welcome back. This was an all time low for her, being kicked out of a support group. As a journalist, she decided to form her own group and each of the members knew their stories would become part of a book she was writing. One of the participants said she felt naked, but brave. Another Widows meeting in NYC involved a lingerie sample party where everyone got to try on their favorite frilly outfits. Why hadn’t I been invited to sketch that meeting?!

Becky mentioned one joint meeting where the widows club met with a widowers club in NYC and then the conversation turned to how men are different from women. I think they forgot there was one man sketching in the shadows. A woman might feel guilt if she dated soon after her husband’s death, but men can compartmentalize their emotions. They might truly love the wife that they lost, but there was no guilt in getting back out and dating. Men envy the strong binding friendships that women have. Men’s conversations seldom venture and deeper than sports along with one word grunts. The group of women in NYC were fairly affluent, but the conversation in Florida turned to women who have to give up their homes and scrape by when their husband’s income is no longer available. Insurance money is only a short term fix for a lifetime to come. Widows seem to be invisible in many societies.

The atmosphere of the meeting I was sketching felt warm and supportive. After the Skype session conversations returned to warm often funny memories. One woman related the fun and playful game of trying to beat her husband to the TV remote. I realized she wasn’t talking in the past tense. Memories shared are very much alive and in the moment. Another woman related that her husband used to watch so many Crime Scene Investigation shows, that she thought he might be plotting to kill her without leaving evidence. Laughter erupted frequently as stories were shared. One woman had been to the “Love” themed Pecha Kucha” event that Carolyn and I had been presenters for. Based on the talks she heard that evening, she decided to sign up on OK Cupid an online dating sight. She glowed as she showed me an iPhone photo of the handsome guy she is now dating.

After the meeting I sat in the living room chatting with Carolyn and Mackensey. I had been sitting silently sketching all night and was a bit hungry for conversation. When Carolyn’s other daughter Meagan walked in with her freshly showered hair, I realized I might have over stayed my welcome. I was surprised that I was the last to leave. Vicki Garcia had left white Easter Lillies for everyone to take home. Carolyn gave me some lilies as I left with instructions to cut the stems before putting them in a vase.  I handed the lilies to Terry when I got home. She asked where I got them, and I told her. “You could have lied you know, I would have believed you.” Darn, men can be so stupid sometimes. This morning one white bloom opened to the sunlight, a symbol of hope and resurrection.

Post PechaKucha Blues

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Pecha Kucha, pronounced (petsha  kutcha) means chit chat in Japanese. Eddie Selover organizes Petcha Kucha events here in Orlando. I had sketched several of these events in the past and I decided to do a presentation myself. The evening consists of Power Point presentations by about 9 presenters. The catch is that each Power Point slide is on the screen for only 20 seconds and there is no way for the presenter to pause or talk for too long. 20 slides for 20 seconds results in a concise six minute presentation. The original organizers came up with the format because they realized that if you give some people a microphone they might never stop talking about the first slide.

There were just two rehearsals held at the Orange Studio, 1121 N. Mills Avenue Orlando FL, in the weeks before the presentations. I simple picked 20 sketches and then wrote copy about my artistic journey since starting the blog. In theory it sounds easy right? WRONG! Being able to time the talk and knowing the slide is about to change any minute is nerve wracking. I have never given a talk in front of 300 people so this was a big step outside my comfort zone. The same week I had to lecture to a room full of students for the first time as well. When it rains it pours. With the writing in hand I felt comfortable but it is hard to slow down and sometimes pause, so there is time for the slide to change. It is much like driving 100 miles an hour down a highway and then having a traffic light every mile. In the first rehearsal I realized that when nervous, I speed ahead and then the slides never have a chance to catch up. Rehearsals were a supportive, safe atmosphere since we were all walking the same tight rope.

The theme for Pecha Kucha V12 was “Love” in honor of Valentines Day so many of the presentations were intensely personal. Going through this experience, I got to learn quit a bit about each of the presenters.  Our presentations got better at each rehearsal. The group as a whole grew stronger as we gave each other suggestions and feedback.  Becky Lane who teaches public speaking at Full Sail, actually took the time to coach me and give me pointers right before the last rehearsal. Based on her suggestions, I removed titles from each slide and instead added a sentence about the person or place pictured. I was writing these notes on the script only minutes before doing my rehearsal run through. I tripped up on a couple of notes that literally made no sense.

On presentation day, February 7th, I rehearsed in my studio all day till the timing clicked into place. I kept adding words or deleting them till the flow was just right. I felt confident but nervous. I had to get to the Orange Studio two hours before show time. I  ran out of the studio and drove several miles in the rain before I realized that I forgot my script which was sitting on the desk at home! I quickly did a 180 in a panic. David Russell of Sac Comedy Lab had us do warm up exercises. We stood in a circle and threw Zip, Zaps, and Zoops at each other. It was a good way to get us to bind together and laugh.

I was the eighth presenter being sandwiched between Carolyn Moor and Kristen Manieri. Each of us got up to the mic for a sound check before the audience arrived. There was a computer monitor about three rows back in the center isle that would show the slides. My voice echoed and bounced around the room. Before me was a sea of white empty folding chairs. Since it was raining, I hoped no one would show. We had to be sure to stay right on top of the mic. I adjusted the mic and it slipped free of the stand and crashed to the floor with a loud thud. Well, that is what rehearsal is for. It better not happen again. One more thing to worry about.

The event was sold out. 300 people crowded into the folding chairs. Emily Empel gave an inspiring talk about how Orlando needs to find a quirky, creative and inspired future. Max Jackson talked about love and the human brain. He spoke with a machine gun fast delivery offering so much information that it was almost hard to keep up. He had memorized his entire talk. It was impressive and daunting. I was strictly “on book.” I had to read what I had written on 8 1/2 by 11 sheets that were stapled in the corner. Being visual, I needed to see each sketch beside my words. Carolyn delivered an incredibly honest and emotional roller coaster with her story of love, loss and strength found in supporting others. I had to wipe away tears, and I heard Kristen equally moved beside me. In the end, her story was uplifting and showed how people become stronger when they care about each other. It was a hero’s journey.

I was still choked up when I stepped up to the mic. “I love to draw,” I began. I started off on a good footing but after several slides, I glanced up at the monitor and instead saw a young woman  three rows back who looked a bit like Caroline, but with jet black hair and straight bangs. I realized after a moment that it was Carolyn’s daughter. I wondered what she thought of her mom’s presentation. As these thoughts rattled through my head, I flipped forward in the script by mistake. I was not in the moment. I improvised a bit as I re-found my spot. I was getting close to panic mode. I might crash and burn. Then I spotted a woman seated in front of Carolyn’s daughter. She smiled at me reassuringly. That smile saved me. Everyone seated in the room wanted me to present this material well. Back on track, I delivered the rest of the talk with confidence.

Kristen Maneri’s presentation seemed flawless. She had so much on the line letting the crowd know how she and her husband saved their sex lives by marking Tuesdays and Saturdays on the calender for evenings of intimacy. Her advice to also schedule romantic date nights to nice restaurants is being worked into my own calendar. My wife Terry wasn’t able to go to the presentation. She was seeing a client down in Miami. She did see a rehearsal and on that evening I finished the talk with, “I couldn’t do what I do without the love and support of my wife Terry.” It is very true. But, partly because of the lost time in my stumble, I left the final line off.

I have never stood in the front of a room full of people clapping. That kind of validation is usually for the performers I sketch. When I stood in line with all the presenters, for the final bow, I felt so proud and happy. It was a euphoric feeling. Then, as the crowd dispersed, people kept coming up to shake my hand and tell me about creative projects that might interest me. Caley Burke spoke about a NASA Tweetup event I should document, Roger Gregor told me about a children’s book he wrote that needs an illustrator, Carynn Jackson offered an opportunity to document the Winter Park Paint out. I had put business cards and posters on a table and only a few cards were left behind. Emily told me that her goal, in being a presenter was to find one new friend. That thought made me happy. That should be my goal anytime I try something new.

The first two rows were full of friends and family of Carolyn’s. They enveloped her in loving support. Kristen’s husband held her close. I suddenly felt alone. Swami World Traveler asked where Terry was. When I told him, he said, “That’s kind of ironic considering the evening’s theme.”  He suggested I join him and a friend at a new restaurant a few blocks away on Virginia. I needed to go out and sketch to clear my buzzing head. My calender showed an event by Kitchy Kittens at the Caboose in Ivanhoe Village. It was drizzling as I drove over to look. The Caboose is a real smoke filled dive bar and nothing was happening inside so I decided instead to go to Washburn Imports, 1800 N Orange Ave, Orlando, FL. In the back of the huge antiques shop is a bar called “The Imperial“. I ordered a raspberry flavored beer and sat at a round table with two other men who didn’t mind me joining them.

They talked about the one in a million chance that a friend of theirs had found the perfect girl. I felt hollow as I sketched. This sketch outing was a self inflicted exile. The road less traveled. I identified with the guy standing in the middle of the room, sipping his beer and wanting some human connection while I hoped for some sketchable drama.

The two guys at my table left and they were replaced with a birthday party of three couples. The birthday girl wanted to see what I was up to and she complimented the sketch. One guy said to me, “Hey, I recognize your sketches, I’ve seen them online. Great work.” We introduced ourselves and then he returned to the ongoing conversations and I returned to the sketch. Is this what my life would be like, quick exchanges with people who know OF me, but who aren’t really friends? Working alone in a crowd usually doesn’t bother me. But I had just rubbed shoulders with some of the most brave, honest and inspiring people I have ever met in Orlando. This is what actors must feel like every time a show ends. When I got ready to leave the Imperial, I used the men’s room. When I came out, I noticed a couple kissing passionately on an antique couch removed from all the bustle near the bar. That could be such a good sketch, I thought, but no, I have my sketch already and I have to work in the morning.” When I got home, I couldn’t sleep.