After Pulse: Roberta Blick

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Roberta Blick moved to Orlando in 1986. She became a member at Windermere Union Church teaching oil painting. Nancy Rosado another member of the church came in on Sunday morning, to enlist volunteers to help first responders at Pulse. Roberta wanted to participate. She said, “What can I do?” Her son heard her and he said, “Do what you  do best mom, and make a quilt.”

So she sat down in her hospice chair, and she watched the TV seeing all those beautiful people from Pulse. Their gorgeous eyes looked at her. It broke her heart. She had to do something with all those wonderful people. She got to know them. She gathered pictures of each of the 49 young people and she transferred the photos onto plain white cotton. She began making the quilt out of her white squares of fabric.

When she got all the squares finished she had to lay them all out on the floor of her sewing room. She called some people from church and they helped her make a nice big square out of it. It became a big quilt with all 49 pictures on it. She worked on it all week and that next Sunday she brought it to church. Nancy Rosado was there and she sat down next to her. Nancy took the quilt to share with others. Nancy got so many amazing people to sign it. The first names o the quilt were fellow church members.

It pleased Roberta so much that something we were doing helped others. Nancy said that some of the people who came into her office didn’t even have a picture of their child. That must be such an awful feeling to not have a picture of the child they love so much. Anyone who is a mother would know that. Her first thought was to create something that would have a beautiful picture. Friends from church wrote the name of each one of the children, and the names went above their picture.

The quilt traveled everywhere.  Nancy would sit down beside Roberta to tell her who had signed the quilt. She said President Obama had signed it. He had put a special thanks to Roberta because he heard she was an old woman. That meant so much. The only thing that hurts is that she did not think to start doing it earlier of the Sandy Hook babies and others who died needlessly. Think of the impact walking into a room an having all those beautiful eyes looking back at you. Think of the impact for all of those mothers and fathers. Think of all the beautiful people who have been killed. Look what they have done.

At a one year remembrance exhibit the the Orange County Regional History Center, 453 family members of victims saw Roberta’s quilt in one and a half hours. Thousands of photos must have been taken of that quilt on exhibit. Roberta Blick died December 20, 2017 from cancer.

 

After Pulse: Anna Eskamani

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Anna Eskamani is an activist in Central Florida. At the time of the oral history she was a senior policy director at Planned Parenthood. She has since been elected the State Representative for District 47.

The day before the Pulse shooting, June 11, 2016, which was a Saturday, Anna had a meeting at a coffee shop across from the Plaza Live. There were trucks around the Plaza because there had been a shooting there the night before. Singer Christina Grimmie had been killed outside the venue. They were discussing advocacy for gun safety. The crime scene was a reminder of why they do the work they do.

Later that day she went to the Don Quixote awards that the Hispanic Chamber does each year. She met a friend she hadn’t seen in a while and felt good when she left. She and her sister live a mile and a half from Pulse. Her sister was sleeping, jet lagged from a long plane flight having returned from vacation. Anna went to bed herself and woke up to the sound of helicopters about 3AM. She checked her phone and saw notifications from CNN. The Pulse nightclub had a shooting. She began texting Latino friends to see if they were OK. She had to turn on the TV and they kept playing the same footage over and over. On Facebook she found that the husband of one of her friends was an emergency responder, so he was in the hospital helping get people there. At the time there was a rumor that there was a gunman inside the hospital. She supported her friend by phone.

She was going to work out that morning with a trainer and she kept putting it off. She needed to see the next press conference. She finally decided she wanted to keep some semblance of normalcy and went to the work out. They trained outside and the sound of helicopters were even more predominant. She cut the workout short. She couldn’t do it. She has 185 co-workers and they began texting. Mass e-mails went out to staff to make sure they were OK. Planned Parenthood wanted to issue a   statement. This was before anyone knew the final count. Anna began crafting a statement for the national office. She hadn’t cried yet. She finally cried on a phone call with a co-worker.  She had been to Pulse in the past and she had friends who go to Pulse. The emotions welled up. She got the statement off to National and local press.

About 4PM there was a press conference at the Center. She needed to be there to show solidarity. The Center became the hub for the response in the beginning. She wore a t shirt that said “My Health My Life No Matter What.” It was so hot inside. The AC was not working. People were crying. There was so much press. There were at least 30 cameras. She wasn’t planning to speak. However all the advocacy groups were asked to speak. She got nervous. She spoke about how Planned Parenthood stands in solidarity with the LGBTQ community. Planned Parenthood is no stranger to violence and the community can not be paralyzed by violence. She pointed out, the community needs to push back and just like the health centers our spaces need to remain safe. This is very real for all of us. In Florida no practical efforts are being made to insure that when you go to school or you walk your neighborhood, or go to a club or movie theater, that you will  actually be able to get back home.

After Pulse: Carlos Guillermo-Smith

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Carlos Guillermo-Smith represents East Orlando House District 49 in the Florida House of Representatives. He was elected in November of 2016. He is Florida’s first openly gay Latin X lawmaker.

When Pulse happened he was a declared candidate for the Florida House. On the evening of June 11, 2016 he was at a Union Conference at the Double tree Hotel near Universal Studios. After the conference he went home.

Carlos found out about the shooting on his phone. He got a series of push notifications. He woke up a 5:30Am and those messages were the first thing he saw. Two messages stood out in particular. One was a CNN push alert, and another was from WFTV Channel 9. The CNN notification announced reports of a mass shooting in an Orlando night Club. He sat bold upright in bed and tried to process.

He then went on Facebook, and he turned on the TV to see CNN which had limited reports. Helicopters hovered over the club. Other than what he saw, he didn’t have any facts. People began to mark themselves safe on Facebook. He got text messages asking if he was OK. He got a blanket e-mail from the CEO of Equality Florida making sure everyone was alive. Everyone needed to confirm. He decided the easiest way to check to see if his friends were OK, was to look at each Facebook profile at a time to see if they had marked themselves as safe. For others he fired off texts. Anyone could have been there that he knew. That morning, Terry DeCarlo was the first person he recognized on TV.

When they announced that 20 people were deceased, panic started to set in. When Mayor Buddy Dyer went on TV and announced that actually 50 people were deceased, Carlos sat speechless. He didn’t know what to feel. He bean to think, “What next?” This was his community, he needed to get in gear. The need to emotionally process was overwhelmed by the need to act. Next pp was an 8Am conference call with Equality Florida. They agreed  to deploy and find out what the needs were. There were 5 Orlando staff. One of things they agreed needed to be done right away was to create a Go Fund Me page to raise money for people impacted. Ida Eskamani figured out how to launch the Go Fund Me. That Go Fund Me page raised 9.5 million dollars.

What do people know about Orlando other than the theme parks? We needed to show that Orlando was not a broken community or a hateful community, we are an inclusive and caring community. He made his way to the Center. It was packed. There were too many cooks inn the kitchen. He felt he wasn’t needed there so he made his way to a press conference of Muslim and LGBTQ leaders. At this press conference he spoke with Pastor Joel Hunter who leads the largest evangelical church in Central Florida. They shook hands and an APP photographer snapped a photo. In “Christian America” a large publication the pastor said he was embarrassed that this hand shake as the first time he had met Carlos. He felt he wasn’t doing any outreach to the LGBTQ community. He said, “Evangelicals must repent on LGBTQ oppression.

Next was a 5PM press conference at the Center.  This was to be the LGBTQ communities press conference. Every LGBTQ leader as there. This was their official response to the tragedy. It was so hot in the Center. There were so many bodies. The press were not local. It was international media. This was also when he first saw some of his closest friends. When you see familiar faces after such horror, that is when you start to process what is happening. Christopher Hanson, a survivor of the shooting walked up to Carlos and hugged him. They are now friends.

That night there was a faith service and Carlos offered a few words. By this time things were n overdrive with phone calls and text messages. His campaign staff helped manage it. The rest of the day was a blur. Weeks and even months later he began processing the news coverage. The next day was the first vigil for the 49. The day was a bur of media phone calls up until the vigil  at Dr. Phillips. Carlos was on the program. He went feeling unprepared. He peered around the stage, he saw the crowd and was stunned. He had prepared his remarks to be bi-lingual. He was nervous about what he needed to say in Spanish. He wanted to get it right. It turned out he was one of the few who spoke Spanish in the program.

Last minute changes happened. He realized there wasn’t much Muslim representation among the speakers. A friend of his, Rasha Mubarak, was Muslim and had a long history of involvement with the LGBTQ community. He found her nearby, and asked her if she could speak at a moments notice. She thought and said, “OK.” No pressure. He decided it was better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. After his remarks he would be with Nancy Rosado reading the names of the 49 victims. It was the first time the 49 names were read in a public space.  The Segway between his remarks and the reading of the names, he squeezed Rasha in. Her shared remarks form the Muslim and Islamic community and shared in the responsibility of reading the 49 names.

After Pulse: Zoe Colon

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Advisory: Please note that this post is about the Pulse Nightclub Massacre on June 12, 2016. It may contain sensitive and difficult to read content. Post written with narrator’s consent.  

Zoe Colon is co-founder of Proyecto Somos Orlando and she is a director of the Hispanic Federation‘s chapter in the South East.

Zoe was supposed to go to Pulse on the the night of June 12, 2016. She had been doing voter registration and was supposed to do voter registration at the clubs. She and the canvases were all ready to go. Ricardo, a canvasser who  had recently arrived from Puerto Rico called and he said that the club had advised that it was probably not a good night because Gay Days had just ended and it was going to be super packed. Zoe was upset. It would have been a great opportunity to even set up in the parking lot.

The next morning Nancy Rosado called and asked if Zoe had seen the news. Ricardo, the canvasser had decided to go on his own. He texted at 4 AM saying they should not go to Pulse. He had no shoes on and he was in someones car. There was a shooting and his credit card was still inn the club.

Co-workers from New York began to text asking if she was OK. The magnitude of what had happened hadn’t sunk in. Every radio was tuned to the news. The world stood still. As the names were published, she realized how many were Latino. Zoe decided to go to the Center. She spoke to Christina there about how Spanish speaking counselors  would be needed. That is how it all started. There were people inn the club that night who were undocumented. Family might not come forward to file a claim for fear of deportation. She was concerned that people might be re-victimized if they were paired up with someone who did not fully understand them or empathize with them. Clergy could also do more damage than good. Nancy Rosado brought in an amazing wealth of knowledge and years of experience.

After the Center, she went to the Hampton Inn with Christina, and Nancy. Families up to this point had not been able to talk to anyone in Spanish. At least 10 people at the Inn wanted to help bring about advocacy. That night they called a press conference. It was held at the Hispanic Federation inn the court yard. There were about 60 people there. They wanted the Latino community to know the phone numbers they needed to call.

Somos Orlando started out as a hashtag. It means Latinos, Latin X, LGBTQ, we all are Orlando. This was a movement about not being invisible.  She went to the Hispanic Federation and asked what could be dome to move things forward. The Federation has a relationship  with Lin-Manuel Miranda and Jennifer Lopez. They ended up creating a song which raised money for Somos Orlando. Things happened so fast. It was emotionally draining. Love Makes the World Go Round.

After Pulse: Andria Estrella – Roa

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Advisory: Please note that this post is about the Pulse Nightclub Massacre on June 12, 2016. It may contain sensitive and difficult to read content. Post written with narrator’s consent.  

Andria Estrelle – Roa is a mental health counselor. She has been a volunteer counselor to victims families and survivors of the Pulse Nightclub massacre that happened n June 12, 2016.

For the sake of self care Andria seldom watches the news but something compelled her to turn it on June 12, 2016 at about 8AM. The camera panned bu a white van and there was concern about possible explosives. The news said that 15 people had died.

She had a meeting with an intern. At 9 AM in the meeting she looked at the news again. At that point the number was 25. A friend texted and said that a mutual friend was at the club. She started calling and texting him and she could not reach him. She called and texted his dad. He hadn’t hear anything. By about 10 or 11 AM the number of people who had died had once again climbed. By 11 AM all the One Blood trucks were out at the local churches.

She spoke with a colleague and they agreed that they had to do something. They agreed to offer free counseling. They sent out a post. They still weren’t fully aware of the scope of hat had happened. Because this affected the LGBTQ community, they offered three free counseling sessions that Sunday to anyone affected. Estrella then got in touch with the Center which was coordinating all the crisis counselors. By the end of that day on Sunday she had found out that her friend was OK.

Monday, she went to the Unitarian Church since it was designated a s a counseling site. She did one crisis counseling session that night with someone who walked in. He had been at Pulse the night of the shooting and escaped. Tuesday night she found out the Citrus Bowl was going to be outfitted as a response center. She was tying to get on the list to help at the Citrus Bowl. Bi-lingual therapists were in short supply. Wednesday morning she went to the Citrus Bowl. She wasn’t on the list but made her way inside.

There was a welcome area for the families and survivors. In a closed room all the providers were set up. The Mexican and Colombian consulates were there, the Puerto Rican chamber of commerce, DCS, The Center, Major Airlines to provide free flight for families, the State Attorney, any and every social service and governmental agency was there. It was mind boggling. It made me proud to be from Orlando. Crisis Counselors were on the next floor up. Disney had donated plush Mickey Mouses for the children and survivors held them as well. This should not have happened here. This is the happiest place in the world.

Families were not going upstairs so she went downstairs and joined the Center where she could talk to people. She was at the Citrus Bowl Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Anybody who was at Pulse that night, would be eligible for victims compensation. Immediate family members of the 49 would also be eligible for the compensation as well which would provide up to $10,000 worth of mental health counseling.   The family would have to pay first and then submit the receipt to the state. That seemed a stressful way to offer help. The family would only get 66.67% of the reimbursement from the state. That is just stupid.

She found out that she could become a state vendor and she could charge the state on behalf of the client. The client would not have too  pay her. Families and survivors never had to pay. In the first two to three weeks no one sought help. People were in shock. They tried to return to life as normal to ignore what had happened. In July she was flooded with sessions. Those who got out of the club without physical wounds had emotional wounds. They went back to work and found out they could not return to life as normal.

In July she was seeing about 20 Pulse survivors a week for two to three months consistently. She began seeing the physically injured as well. The emotionally injured could process and return to life withing the two or three month sessions. They might have family support, friend support which helps in recovery. Estrella never tells her clients that they have to get over things. She helps her clients live in a new reality. They learn to appreciate that they got our and survived and can write a new story. Physically injured survivors came months later. Most of those were in home visits. They were so focused on their physical recover that there emotional recovery took a back seat. They were relatively fine with family and community support and media interviews. But eventually they could not sleep any more. Their emotional injuries were left untended as they recovered physically. Healing does not happen quickly.

 

 

7PM June 12, 2021 at Pulse

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June 12, 2016 is he day 49 people died while dancing at a Pulse Latin Night celebration. At 7PM on June 1, 2021 a Remembrance Ceremony was held at the club which is still standing and surrounded by a temporary memorial wall covered in photos.

The event was to be telecast on the jumbo trons at the Dr. Phillips Center for the Performing Arts front lawn as well. Concerned about crowds I considered sketching from the front lawn but decided to sketch at the club instead. est Esther Street was shut down being blocked by a pink Lynx bus. Suburban side street were shut down for blocks, and police cars blocked traffic driving north on Orange Avenue as well, effectively securing the site from any fringe lunatics.

Folding chairs were set up in the street intersection and the stage was on the North West corner of Esther and Orange. All the seats were occupied when I got there so I walked around looking for a safe spot to sketch from somewhat removed from the crowd. I settled on sketching from behind the media cameras which were set up in a line in the Dunkin’ Donuts parking lot across the street from the club.

I couldn’t hear much from my vantage point but I did hear the names of the 49 victims being read. It was brutally hot and the remembrance was over just before the sun set.

2:02AM June 12, 2021 at Pulse

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Advisory: Please note that this post is about the Pulse Nightclub Massacre on June 12, 2016. It may contain sensitive and difficult to read content.

2:02AM June 12, 2016 is when the gunman opened fire inside the Pulse Nightclub killing 49 and injuring many more.The effects of that horrific massacre rippled outwards.

At this vigil held at 2:02AM I cold her a woman sobbing across the street as I set up to sketch.  I began sketching an hour before the vigil began. The crowd as light at first with groups of people seated on the circular benches near the temporary memorial wall covered with photos. LED lights illuminated the wall with each color of the rainbow in succession. I chose blue. A red blood drive bus was parked across Orange Avenue.

Pastor Terri Steed Pierce from Joy Metropolitan Community Church spoke to those gathered but I couldn’t hear her from where I was seated. Candles were handed out and lit. Then a group of about 6 people read out the names of the 49 who had died that night. Since I was removed from the crowd I wore my mask loosely around my neck.

An FBI agent told Pam that a copycat extremist named Muhammed Momtaz Al-Azhari, 23, of Tampa had come to this memorial site about a year ago and sat looking for inspiration to carry out a similar attack on beaches around Tampa. Al-Azhari “expressed admiration” for the gunman responsible for the Pulse nightclub shooting and “spoke of his desire to carry out a similar mass casualty shooting.”He wanted to kill more that 49 people. When he purchased guns to carry out the attack he was actually buying from an FBI agent and was arrested. At this year’s 5 year vigil there was concern that extremists might want to attack. Plain clothes security was scattered throughout the crowd. Pam watched every car that drove by and instructed me just run should anything happen. Thankfully it was a peaceful beautiful service with love compassion and caring.

Interfaith After Pulse

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Advisory: Please note that this post is about the Pulse Nightclub Massacre on June 12, 2016. It may contain sensitive and difficult to read content. Post written with narrator’s consent.  

Imam Taric Rashid was highly involved in Interfaith and Muslim community in the aftermath of the Pulse Nightclub shooting.

It was Ramadan in June of 2016, and Rashid had finished his early prayer. He got home about 8AM. As he settled in for a nap he decided to check the news on his iPhone. CNN was reporting about a shooting at Pulse.

Shortly after he got a call from law enforcement. They asked if everyone in the community was safe. They told him to be on alert and call if anything seemed wrong around the mosque. From then on they ere in touch. There was a concern about the safety of the mosque. During Ramadan attendance is high so security had to be hired.

Iman Rashid went to the Pulse site. There were many Muslim counselors fir the survivors. They brought food and drinks.

For the next month, his schedule became incredibly busy. He was everywhere holding interfaith activities,, going to churches, and trying to stress that the violence has nothing to do with Muslim faith. The shooter was an outsider from Fort Pierce Florida.

Media from all over the world descended on the mosque. Everyday there were interviews. The mosque worked with county a and city officials. It was a hectic time. Hate filled e-mails and answering machine messages began surfacing. There was a concern that there might be a backlash much like after 9-11. Law enforcement tracked down some of the suspects. Much of his efforts were in convincing people that it is fine to go to the mosque to pray.  Despite this attendance dropped.

Candle light vigils and special prayer services were held at the mosque. They were interfaith services with Jews, Christians and Muslims. He held an interfaith service on the evening after the shooting. It was organized in two hours and he didn’t expect people to come but he was shocked but the huge crowd many from the LGBT community. The candlelight vigil was held next to the road and traffic came to a stop. For the next 20 minute they preyed. It was a moment for all faiths to pray for peace. united in condemning these acts of violence.

Jean Carlos Nieves Rodreguez

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Advisory: Please note that this post is about the Pulse Nightclub Massacre on June 12, 2016. It contains sensitive and difficult to read content. Post written with narrator’s consent.  

Jean Carlos Nieves Rodriguez was one of the 49 who died on the evening of June 12, 2016 at the Pulse Nightclub shooting. Staff of the Orange County Regional History Center visited the Rodriguez home to talk to his mother about his life.

Jean Carlo always had high aspirations of working hard.  He was working as a manager in Miami. Just a few months before his death he and his mother bought a house with a pool. His mother DiMarie Rodriguez invited us to that home. DiMarie speaks Spanish and a translator helped conduct the oral history. Jean Carlos sister, Valeria Monroig, was in the kitchen. Once, he told his sister, “I love you more than I love myself.” He always watched out for the family. The room echoed, feeling empty.

Since the house had a pool Jean Carol’s friends would often come over and his mom loved the activity. They brought an energy to the home. On June 13, 2016 they decided to have a BBQ but she had to work, so they pushed it back to June 15, 2016.

Jean Carlos group of friends were debating about what they should do on June 12 and they decided to go to Latin Night at Pulse. This was his fort time going to Pulse. A roommate of Jean Carlos was going back to Columbia on June 16, 2016.  They all decided they should celebrate Wakim’s birthday early. All the friends met at the house before gong to Pulse. They hung out by the pool and had a few beers.

Jean and his mom had a tradition of texting each other before bed. She might text “Night, night” and he might follow with “Love you” to which she would text “Love you more.” That night as she was getting ready for bed she texted, “Night night.” That night she didn’t hear back from him and at 3AM she bolted straight up in bed. She checked his bedroom and the bed was immaculately made. Her heart sank. She texted him, “Where are you?” “Are you still hanging out?” At 5:16 AM she was texting him again. She texted again at 10:47AM as well. She hoped he was with his group of friends. She tried texting again from work. While at work she heard there was a shooting at a downtown club.

Once she found out the shooting was at Pulse, she called her best friend and asked her to help find her son. Her friend could help since she knew English. Her friend called back and said, “You need to leave right now.” She explained that the hospital was full and everything in the area was locked down. “You need to go find your son because this is huge.” She didn’t know where to start looking. She drove to the hospital and found one of the moms who was a long time friend. Together they tried to get information. They were eventually moved to the hotel across the street. There they waited for the survivors list to come out. She prayed for the strength to get through the ordeal.

In a vision she saw him face down. She knew she shouldn’t hope to see his name on the survivor list. By 10AM she officially knew. They came to her house to let her know. Over 700 people showed up for his services. It was overwhelming to see the public outpouring. The Osceola Parkway had to be shut down for the funeral procession. Jean Carlos was laid to rest in Puerto Rico with his grandmother. She regrets that decision and hopes to one day have him back.

Stars of Hope

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The Orange County Regional History Center exhibited a large collection of these stars that were left at the site of the Pulse massacre. Stars of Hope gives communities the tools to empower children’s compassion through creativity. They foster empathy and compassion for communities throughout the world. They are pioneer communal therapeutic art at a global scale, while combating loneliness. Speaking about the organization were, Marcel, Annie, Sarah and Elsie.

Marcel was a New Yorker. She met the man of her dreams and moved to Georgia in 1998. She has two daughters Sarah born in 2001 and Annie born in 2003. They started making the stars as a way to handle the grief. Everyone is hard hit in the beginning, but they quickly get back to their own life.

Annie is a photo historian. She has a quiet energy. Pulse was emotionally draining for everyone. AS a family they felt the need to regroup. The family saw the wall of stars at the History Center’s Pulse exhibit. For them it as a beautiful ray of light. It was so beautiful. They hope that the stars inspire people to feel hope rather than slip into depression. Negativity only pushes us into darkness. They want to inspire us all to tolerate one another and enjoy people.

Elsie lost a daughter on 9-11. She drove up to NYC right after that tragic day. It was the longest car ride of her life. Here in Orlando Pulse is hallowed ground. Going there felt up lifting. Everything was so bright. There was healing and spirituality there. There were rainbows and free hugs. I felt so inviting and embracing.

The Starts of Hope group wants to have a day of celebration each year. It doesn’t need to focus on a tragedy. The Texas division of Stars of Hope cuts all the stars. All the volunteers gather on labor Day weekend, celebrate and eat a lot of meat. The kids started painting he stars and so many were painted for Orlando. Signing the back of the star is as important as the painting of the star.