Abhidhamma: A Psychology of Awakening

Posted on by Thor

On Wednesdays there is a Mindful Meditation Group that meets in a small backyard hut behind the home of Peter Carlson (1818 Carrigan Avenue, Winter Park, 32789). I went a few times during a turbulent period in my life to quiet my mind. The  evening starts with an hour of meditation followed by a group discussion.

On this day Peter was discussing the Abhidhamma, which is a Sanskrit term
that derives from the expression
“concerning the teachings.” For the Buddhists however, the term means approximately
“higher” or “further” teaching, and it refers
both to the doctrinal investigations of the new scholastic movement and
to the body of texts yielded by its systematic exposition of Buddhist
thought.

Peter discussed a psychology of awakening, suggesting ways to connect the spiritual realizations of Buddhism with the psychological insights of the West. His white board had notes about universal conditioners, contact, volition, vitality, attention, and contact. The focus was on our will to do which is affected by our feelings and perceptions, seeing (very important to me), hearing, smell and taste. Though I cant claim to fully understand every point offered, it was nice to wrestle with larger concepts rather than keep going over the daily thoughts about how to survive and stay say inspired.

Meditation in the wake of Pulse

Posted on by Thor

In June of 2016 I became obsessed with sketching every wake, vigil, memorial and fundraiser devoted to the cause of the Pulse Nightclub Massacre. Every post at the time was about the shooting and the cities attempt to heal in the wake of the tragedy. To find some personal balance in my life I turned to meditation. I honestly hoped that the discussion on this day might be about the Buddhist teachings that might address such a tragedy. Certainly Buddhists must have thoughts that would shed some light on the feelings and confusion that follow mass murder.  I learned that the previous week had addressed those insights. The Mindful Medition Discussion Group meets weekly on Wednesdays behind the home of Peter Carlson (1818 Carrigan Avenue, Winter Park, 32789).

We all sat silently for an hour to meditate. My high blood pressure caused my ears to start drumming. I was concerned that my body didn’t allow for enough quiet for me to get lost in the moment. My legs started to ache so I shifted to a new position. I must be doing this all wrong.  I was biding my time until I could sketch during the discussion to follow. Despite my annoyance at my inability to find any semblance of peace, I was glad that I had taken the night to do something for myself. I hoped meditation might allow me to come to terms with what had happened at Pulse. That never happened. Conversation turned to the four noble truths, but my mind wandered back to Orange Avenue just south of the Orlando Regional Medical Center.

I returned to mediation many times in the following months to  keep trying. Glen Weimer, an old college friend offered me a chance to escape to Nantucket and it was there that some quite meditation on the beach finally brought me a moment of respite.

The Dali Llama‘s thought on violence seem to ring true. He teaches the universal human values of peace, harmony, and community… “If
we emphasize more on non-violence and harmony, we can herald a new
beginning. Unless we make serious attempts to achieve peace, we will
continue to see a replay of the mayhem humanity experienced in the 20th
century. We
need a systematic approach to foster humanistic values, of oneness and
harmony. If we start doing it now, there is hope that this century will
be different from the previous one. It is in everybody’s interest. So let us work for peace within our families and society, and not expect help from God, Buddha or the governments.”

So what can  I do? I have just one tool at my disposal and that is to sketch. Now two years after the attack, I am still sketching and listening to try and understand.

My Journey into Mindful Meditation.

Posted on by Thor

I attended a weekly Study Group that meets at Peter Carlson’s house (1818 Carrigan Ave., Winter Park FL) on Wednesday evenings from 7:00 PM to 9:00 PM. After 45 minutes of meditation, various aspects of Buddhist teachings are discussed. The study group is open to anyone who has completed a meditation retreat or taken a course on Buddhist meditation or psychology. My goal of course was to sketch, which I consider my own form of meditation. I now realize that I was under qualified to attend since I have never attended a retreat. I got to the home about 15 minutes early since I was told that at 7pm the doors close and no one else can enter until the meditation was complete.  I thought I would need my art stool, since I assumed, quite correctly, that people would be seated on the floor. The meditation occurs in a tiny retreat behind the home. There however was a chain link fence blocking access to the meditation retreat. Walking in the dark, I felt I might be trespassing. I knocked on the front door and Peter assured me that I could go out back.

The small building was dark a empty. I was the first to arrive. I found a light switch and made my way to the meditation room which had dozens of chairs along three of the walls. I didn’t expect chairs. I settled into a corner chair and lightly penciled in the overall composition as I waited for people to arrive. I placed all my pencils and pens in a row on the floor, because I didn’t want to be searching for things during the meditation which would be noisy. Peter had a comfortable looking mattress throne with an adjustable desk set up for his computer. A sculpted goddess head looked out in all directions. Two participants sat on the floor with pillows to cushion their spines. Others sat in chairs, out of the view of my sketch. Peter said, “lets begin.” and the room became completely silent.

45 minutes seems like a short period of time to complete sketch since most of my sketches take two hours to complete. My first lines were rushed but I started to notice that the fast pen strokes seemed quite loud in the silence. A calm washed over me and the pen began to explore with quiet deliberation. Even so, the pens journey made a sound quite louder the my own breath. the line slowed down even more to a snails speed and each line became more deliberate and more confidently observed. True observation takes quiet deliberation. The line work completed itself with time to spare. I resisted the temptation to reach for other tools since bending over would have created loud rustling noises. This forced me to focus on one deliberate task without interruption.

A Buddhist prayer bowl quietly sounded announcing the end of meditation. Everyone took a five minute break and then returned for the discussion. Peter was just getting over a harsh cold that developed at his last retreat. He spoke of his mindful awareness and acceptance as symptoms developed. People who meditate often have the inner strength to heal quickly. As we were leaving, I realized that everyone but me had left their shoes at the from door. I also realized when I got home that I had left my art stool in the meditation hall. Clearly that was a sign that I needed to return.

The next week I returned with no sketchbook in hand. I wanted to experience meditation first hand without the distractions of sketching. I’ve never been comfortable sitting cross legged on a floor, but I figured if I found just the right pillow I could pull it off.  I had observed the perfect posture of friends and wanted to see if I could quiet my mind the same way. I wedged two pillows under my knees for extra support. I closed my eyes and relaxed rocking my butt side to side to settle into the pillow. I rolled my neck snapping cartilage. The room was completely silent except for the sound of a ceiling fan. Blue and green orbs danced and flowed together on the insides of my eyelids. My breathing seemed loud. My lower back ached so I breathed deeper which straightened my spine.  Why do I keep having to swallow? I focused on my breath again and relaxed. I began imagining the room in the green and blue patterns swimming in my eyelids. As I imagined this new world of swimming forms the prayer bowl quietly sounded. Wow. Time had flown by. Had I meditated? I’m not sure. The fact that I sketch daily means that I already quiet my mind to achieve a sure focus. Perhaps that is good training for this looking inward.

The talk was about five precepts or commitments needed for awakening. Peter discussed how harmony and compassion were not important to early hominids. Charles Darwin‘s theory of the fang and claw pointed out that only the most aggressive of a species survives. If that were true, then loving kindness would be seen as weakness. But daily mindfulness offers strength. The second commitment is be mindful of how desire affects our choices. This relates to our compulsive and addictive tendencies relating to social media. I rely on social media in my quest to find new sketch opportunities. I need to realize when this becomes a form of distraction.  A third commitment is to avoid aggression and hostility. This can be in every social interaction. A more modern commitment is towards the ecology of the planet. For early man this wasn’t a concern but today careless abuse of our resources can have lasting impacts for future generations.

It was reassuring to be in a room full of people seeking compassion and an increased interpersonal trust. I haven’t decided if extended meditations are for me. I like the idea of doing a quiet 60 breath meditation each time I leave the studio to go on location to sketch. Life is ever changing. For me this study group answered my yearning to “Eat, Pray and Trust.”