Mindful Meditation Discussion Group – Analog Artist Digital World

When my plane landed in Nantucket, Glen Weimer, my host was still with a client doing body work, so I couldn’t go straight to his home. Instead, I caught a taxi to the Family Resource Center, (20 Vesper Lane, L-1 Gouin, Nantucket MA). Here a Mindful Meditation Group was going to meet and I thought it would be a good way to unwind and relax after a day of flying. The room we met in was set up for an Alcoholics Anonymous 12 step program. the 12th step was “Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions.” In some ways Buddhist teachings are similar to the 12 steps. Buddhist thought holds that craving
leads to suffering (the second noble truth). Twenty-five hundred years
ago the Buddha taught that snippets of addiction, constantly wanting,
ever craving this or that, are the source of all human suffering. This craving can be reduced and eventually eliminated.

There were just two of us sitting in. The woman across from me had her fists clenched the whole time as Lama Yesha Palmo explained the meditation process. This was the first time I had practiced with someone in full robes. A candle was lit and we sat quietly. I sketched before and after the meditation. I consider sketching my form of meditation. Birds chirped outside and a dog barked a few blocks away. For once my body didn’t ache and as I finished the sketch I felt a bit of peace. The session ended with the sound of a meditation bowl humming from the wooden mallet circling it’s rim.

I would have left feeling satisfied, but afterwards the Yesha asked questions about our experience. The woman across from me also felt some contentment but she was told that she wasn’t meditating properly. Apparently inner sensations must all be let go. I kept my mouth closed, I didn’t need my experience to be criticized. I was far to new to meditation to have my experience picked apart and dissected. When I was finally let back out into the world with my suitcase in tow, the sun felt good on my face and the breeze kept me cool. I didn’t need so much structure to appreciate it.

I hadn’t seen Glen since the early 90s. He pulled up in his car and we hugged warmly. It was amazing to see the life he had built for himself on this tiny New England island.

In June of 2016 I became obsessed with sketching every wake, vigil, memorial and fundraiser devoted to the cause of the Pulse Nightclub Massacre. Every post at the time was about the shooting and the cities attempt to heal in the wake of the tragedy. To find some personal balance in my life I turned to meditation. I honestly hoped that the discussion on this day might be about the Buddhist teachings that might address such a tragedy. Certainly Buddhists must have thoughts that would shed some light on the feelings and confusion that follow mass murder. I learned that the previous week had addressed those insights. The Mindful Medition Discussion Group meets weekly on Wednesdays behind the home of Peter Carlson (1818 Carrigan Avenue, Winter Park, 32789).

We all sat silently for an hour to meditate. My high blood pressure caused my ears to start drumming. I was concerned that my body didn’t allow for enough quiet for me to get lost in the moment. My legs started to ache so I shifted to a new position. I must be doing this all wrong. I was biding my time until I could sketch during the discussion to follow. Despite my annoyance at my inability to find any semblance of peace, I was glad that I had taken the night to do something for myself. I hoped meditation might allow me to come to terms with what had happened at Pulse. That never happened. Conversation turned to the four noble truths, but my mind wandered back to Orange Avenue just south of the Orlando Regional Medical Center.

I returned to mediation many times in the following months to keep trying. Glen Weimer, an old college friend offered me a chance to escape to Nantucket and it was there that some quite meditation on the beach finally brought me a moment of respite.

The Dali Llama‘s thought on violence seem to ring true. He teaches the universal human values of peace, harmony, and community… “If
we emphasize more on non-violence and harmony, we can herald a new
beginning. Unless we make serious attempts to achieve peace, we will
continue to see a replay of the mayhem humanity experienced in the 20th
century. We
need a systematic approach to foster humanistic values, of oneness and
harmony. If we start doing it now, there is hope that this century will
be different from the previous one. It is in everybody’s interest. So let us work for peace within our families and society, and not expect help from God, Buddha or the governments.”

So what can I do? I have just one tool at my disposal and that is to sketch. Now two years after the attack, I am still sketching and listening to try and understand.