Today I went in for a Cystoscopy which involved shoving a camera up my penis to view my giant prostrate. The camera is in this sketch on the lower left, It was hooked up to an iPad so the doc could show me the incredible journey to the obstruction.
A nurse walked me back to the room and asked me questions with a sing song voice. At first it seemed condescending, but then it became reassuring since clearly this all was just procedure and had been done many times before. Her job was to ask a few questions and then ask me to undress. My 3 layers of jackets had to come off to get my blood pressure which was normal. It was freezing cold outside. Then she asked me to take off my pants, underwear and wrap a white paper gown around my waste. I kept my warm socks on. There was another strip of white paper with a hole in it for my meat puppet to poke through. She left to let me undress in private. Once on the mechanical throne I started sketching. I knew most everything would change position, so I worked in pencil.
Two female nurses entered the room. As I suspected, their job was to numb me downstairs. The chair I was in began to tilt waaaay back with a mechanical moan. I bunched up the little pillow under my head so I could keep looking down towards my feet. I wanted to see my shy member uncovered, and numbed, but all the crumpled paper gown in my lap blocked my view. One nurse said, I am going to touch you now. She grabbed the head and shaft poking through the hole in the paper gown, and immediately began injecting Lanacane into the mouth of the beast. HOLY SHIT! It BURNED! I curled my toes and restrained myself from slapping her hand away from Sam wise. The pain just kept coming in waves, as she kept injecting the fluid deep into the orifice. When the two nursed left, I regained some composure and started sketching again in ink. My thighs were wet with Lanacane.
It took quite a while for the doctor to enter, I managed to get most of the line work done on the sketch. When he did enter, the real adventure of pain began. The evil scope was immediately shoved up into my penis. My penis was numb, but deep inside I felt everything. Every muscle inside my body clamped down tight. As I writhed in pain he told me to breath deep and imagine that I was peeing. That advice helped. Through out this process I could not sketch. My eyelids were clamped down hard in pain. He joked about how large the prostrate was, as if he had never seen one quite so large. He said, the Cystoscope was shoved in right up to the hilt. He tilted the iPad towards me so I could see the small slit that was the only egress for urine from my bladder. He said any time I went to the bathroom only half of the liquid in my bladder could make its way out. A reading of 128 meant that 95% of people had a healthier urinary system than me. When he pulled the camera out of me, Lanacane and other fluids gushed out. There was a small portable toilet behind the throne of torture and he let me dismount and pee.
Then came the back door entrance. A Vaseline covered finger thrust up towards my prostrate and then more imaging was done with an ultrasound device. My prostrate is supposed to be the size of a small chestnut but now it is bigger than a softball. That huge growth reduces the size of my bladder by half. The doctor’s plan is to remove all of the prostate with a laser which will once again be shoved up inside my penis. After that operation, I will no longer be able to have children. Sex and orgasm will be possible but I will never again ejaculate. I actually opened myself up to the possibility of having a child in January of last year. That was a fleeting moment. Now, it is more important that I can hold my bladder for several hours while I finish a sketch.
For the big operation I will be out cold under general anesthesia. I will have to stay in the hospital overnight with who knows what hanging out of the mouth of Shrunken Sam. I was told a nurse would call me and give me exercises that I should do before the operation. Perhaps my penis will need to do Jumping Jacks or Push Ups. What ever is needed, he will be trained and ready. Though I joke about the operation, it is terrifying to imagine a laser disintegrating a softball sized growth from inside my bladder. Is that even possible? It seems like my body and all aspects of my life are struggling to regain balance as I search for a new life moving forward.
